maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
