Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
