Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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