so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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