she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
