I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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