we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
