my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
