I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
