I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
