if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
