Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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