Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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