I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
