Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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