Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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