I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
