I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
