New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize