I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
