I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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