I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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