If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
