thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
where are my pants?
in the oven.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
