oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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