ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
