So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
