Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
