We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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