He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
