He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
