So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
