I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
