My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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