I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
