did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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