so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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