He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
