oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
