I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
there's paper in my vomit.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
where are my eyebrows?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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