So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
