does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
