Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
