Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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