I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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