So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
