oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
