A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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