On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
