I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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