Im at strip club and am horny
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
