Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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