I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
