I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Terrible idea I love it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
