There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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