These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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