"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the day after is always just damage control
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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