Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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