I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
