i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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