I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
