oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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