i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
