its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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