I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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