pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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