I can tuck mytits in my pants
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
