good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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