Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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