can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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