Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
