i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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