Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
