I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
