some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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