i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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