She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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