..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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