You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
